Internal Family Systems and Mindful Self Compassion – the best of friends

(Note: This article is written for those who have some basic knowledge of IFS and speaks primarily to those who use IFS with others).

The two profoundly powerful techniques of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Mindful Self Compassion (MSC) really are like the best of friends. Each enhances the other yet they are also powerful on their own. They share the overlapping purpose and vision of enhancing our relationship to ourselves, but each has a slightly different focus on how to go about reaching that vital goal.

Where IFS helps to enhance Self leadership through removing the blocks that prevent parts from trusting Self, MSC focuses on HOW that trust is developed somatically, intellectually and experientially.  In a way MSC can be considered a grease that can make the IFS process smoother and faster. MSC can also be a tremendous support for systems that have little experience receiving love and compassion or who have a lot of mistrust of Self by warming up the relationship to Self.

like a grease
that makes the
IFS process
​smoother and faster

MSC does this by offering a training in the experience of HOW TO BE WITH your parts, how to listen, how to actually care for our parts, especially the exiles that carry pain. It is training in how to offer care and compassion for ourselves in the midst of suffering so that our parts can build up trust that Self is a good leader and caregiver. 

MSC teaches us how to be with our parts

At the beginning of the IFS process is the question “How do you feel towards that part?” Before proceeding any further we need to hear some form of the feeling of compassion (or other C words). MSC provides the experiences so that compassion arises more readily within the system.

​The power of the IFS process lies in asking questions such as this and creating a dialog between Self and parts, whereas the power of MSC lies in exploring and practicing the act of comforting and the feeling tone of interaction. It investigates our intention when offering this care and focuses on the actions we take to support this self care. In this way MSC helps to develop Self leadership and then take it out into daily life as we respond to our moment to moment experience.
 
MSC does this through a host of discussions and experiences including examining the science and physiology of compassion, techniques to minimize overwhelm, experiences of encountering difficult emotions, and many practices around receiving caring attention. It looks at the inner critic as well as who we want to be. It explores how to hold ourselves kindly when our relationships become difficult and when we experience care-giving fatigue. It also fills us up with appreciating our good qualities and savoring our experiences. In total it offers 20 informal practices, 13 exercises, 7 meditations, and over 25 discussion topics so that all participants can find something to meet their unique needs. Best of all the MSC course does this within a shared space with others so that we and our parts know that they are not alone in their struggles.
 
While MSC does not explicitly work with parts, it does develop the inner resource of the voice of kindness, the voice of the Self. In this way it works systematically and lets all parts know that they are cared for so that they are more likely to come forward to tell their story.
 
So while IFS and MSC approach the experience of being with ourselves differently, they really work well together because they have the same goal. Richard Schwartz (creator of IFS) says that when working with parts “you want to go to them with curiosity and then compassion then actively love them up”.  Chris Germer (co-creator of the MSC course) speaks of the essence of the MSC course in which “we are learning to love ourselves up”. MSC and IFS really are the best of friends.